Clara Charmak, Photographer
My Story
MY STORY.... HMM THIS ISN’T REALLY ABOUT MY STORY THIS IS ABOUT YOURS. YOUR JOURNEY WITH YOUR BODY, YOUR SEXUALITY, YOUR POWER, AND YOUR DIVINE BEAUTY. THIS IS ABOUT EMBRACING/LETTING GO OF YOUR PAST AND LOOKING UP AND STEPPING INTO YOUR FUTURE. IT’S ABOUT MANIFESTING THAT WHICH YOU HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED OF. THIS IS ABOUT HOW I CAN SUPPORT YOU.
I grew up in a family that only ever treated nudity as something normal/natural. Not only did my family express comfort around being naked, but so did the family friends I grew up around. Sure, there were people along the way that made me realize that not everyone felt comfortable being naked in front of others, but I thought they were the weird ones. At the head of all the things I was learning was my amazing Momma. I was not aware back then of how much work my Momma put into being a healthy role model for me at the time. Not only did she proudly walk around naked with me but she wore her clothes with her head held high and with more confidence then I saw any other momma doing. Around middle school when bodies start changing and a whole new part of the world was illuminated I started wondering if she really felt that good in her body. You see, I’ve only ever known my Momma as soft, round, and cuddly. And as I got older I started to realize that the world saw her as round; a whole new perspective for me. I watched as girls around me seemed to “look better in certain clothes” or “had bigger breasts” then me etc. I started trying to find pants that would make my ass look “better” but compared to many young women I thought a lot less about this than them. I attribute this to my Momma.
High school was harder for me when it came to loving my body. I was in a school filled with girls that were tiny and muscular. Girls that by societies definition of beauty were near to “perfect”. Between being told I wasn’t good enough, rarely being chosen by boys, and my hormones, I struggled to see my own individual beauty. I was a junior in high school when I heard my Momma express for the first time that she had a hard time with her body. This lead to us having a conversation about it because I had no idea she felt that way and she let me in on the little (HUGE/life changing) fact that she had been sure not to all those years because that wasn’t the example she had wanted to set for me. For this I am eternally grateful. It wasn’t till I was traveling to visit colleges that I realized for the first time that I could really just be me. I could dress how I wanted, feel good about my body, feel happy… all things that felt so very foreign. Out of high school I started working on my self love and personal growth.
In the winter of my first year in collage I came across the way I could help other women feel damn good in their bodies. At the end of a photography class where we could do a final project of our choosing, I chose to shoot boudoir which was something I had always wanted to try. I asked a few of my girl friends if they would be willing to model and when they said yes I booked the studio for 5 hours. At first it was a little hard but then it began to flow. I took pictures of 6 women that day. All of them stepped in front of me feeling vulnerable and exposed and all of them walked away with their heads held high and a pep in their step. One girl just sat there and laughed as soon as she was in front of my lens and to me this can be anything form an emotional seal breaking to the opposite side of tears. After a few moments though with some help from me she was striking power poses and playing. She walked away with an air of confidence I don’t think either of us expected. At the end of the 5 hours, after picking up and putting things away I felt intoxicated by the immense change, beauty, and empowerment I had just witnessed and captured. The next week editing the photos my teacher stood over my shoulder and I had this moment of "Oh my gosh, what if she doesn't like them or they are appropriate for this project." But she said nothing and after a few minutes moved on. Upon presenting them to the class she spoke up about the experience she’d had standing over my shoulder while I edited. What she said became the turning point of taking my photography from a hobby to a business. She said "You know I was looking at your photos of these women that had not been heavily edited and I was thinking to myself how beautiful they are. And as I continued to look I started to see myself in them and I had this moment of, oh, I'm beautiful."
If I can empower both the women who step in front of my lens and the women who see my photos I will forever be happy. Not everyone is in a place where they can be in front of the camera and that's okay, you don't always have to, but that if you can see yourself reflected in the other women that is enough for me.